December 2019 - Regan Walsh

I’m exhausted by thinking.

A client said that to me recently, and I found it so relatable. I know many who are exhausted by thinking. Or perhaps, more specifically, overthinking.

She was ruminating on myriad things—a commitment she wanted to back out of, a situation with her daughter, and so on. Her primary concern was, of course, the outcome of these situations. Outcomes that hadn’t happened yet.

Mark Twain once said, “I have lived a long life and had many troubles, most of which never happened.”

Ain’t that the truth?

The reality is that our addiction to thinking (or worrying and mulling) is fruitless. We can’t alter events of the past, and the future has yet to unfold. So spending time and energy fretting over what has happened or might happen is a waste.

I think we all know this logically, and yet we worry. (I’m certainly guilty of this.)

In those moments of anxiety, what I’ve found to be the most helpful is to relentlessly focus on the present.

The present is where we live now. It’s where we have choices to make—choices that will ultimately create wanted or needed change in our lives. And it’s those small choices we make today that set us up for a brighter future.

But how to stay in the moment? I have a couple of tricks in my bag that I’m happy to share.

I turn off distractions. That means silencing my cell phone and closing my laptop. I redirect my attention to the people around me and let myself sit with the discomfort of not knowing how things will play out.

I meditate. I’ve recently shifted my morning routine to include a few minutes of meditation, where I calm my mind and focus on what the day will bring. It grounds me and helps to keep the worries at bay.

I put my head down and work. I have big dreams and goals, which can, at times, distract me from ruminating. But other times, they can be a source of worry themselves. So I stay focused and do the work I can today to get the payoff tomorrow.

By the way, all turned out just fine for the client I mentioned earlier. Which is almost always the case, isn’t it?

Next time you find yourself overthinking, channel our friend Mr. Twain, and remember that most of your troubles never even happen.

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I’ve been on the receiving end of some hollow words lately.

I won’t go into detail, but my experience included significant work and follow-through on my end—work and time and even an investment in collateral that ultimately went unpaid and, most notably, devalued. It was so disappointing, and it made me second-guess the integrity of the person who asked for the work in the first place.

It got me thinking about the importance of showing it, of backing up our words with actions.

Talking about how we’ll show up for others is the easy part. All we have to do is say it.

Actually showing up for them is harder. It requires a sacrifice of resources, most notably of our time and maybe even of our money. But the sacrifice is where the proof is—proof that your words mean something, that you’re a person of character.

So when it comes to supporting our words with actions, here are a few ways you can really show it.

Open doors if you can.

If you say you want to help others professionally or personally, show it by creating opportunities for them. Consider bringing lower level people into meetings so they can learn. Make beneficial introductions on behalf of clients, colleagues, friends, and connections.

For example, a friend and fellow coach of mine recently mentioned that she’d like to pick up a few more speaking engagements. So when I got a lead on a speaking gig that wasn’t a good fit for me, I asked her if she was interested, and she thanked me for the support.

Lend a hand (without being asked).

It’s not always easy to ask for help, but it is easy to notice when others need it. Tune in to what your colleagues, friends, and family members are struggling with. Can you lighten their load without them having to ask?

Years ago, I was going through a divorce and feeling overwhelmed. The leaves in my back yard were piling up, and I just didn’t have it in me to rake them. I mentioned it in passing to a friend, and the next thing I knew, he was there with rakes, a leaf blower, and bags so we could tackle it together. I’ll never forget it.

Invest your time, talent, and/or treasure.

What matters to you? Do you care deeply about extreme poverty? Education? Supporting a friend who just started a business? Think about the causes, businesses, and people you want to pour into, and consider what resources you can expend to show it.

I have a client who is really focused on sustainability and being good to the earth. I recently saw her out to lunch, and she had brought a cloth napkin, reusable utensils, and a glass water bottle. THAT is walking the talk, friends.

What you do will always be more important than what you say. So say it, yes. But, more importantly, show it.

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Exhausted by (over)thinking? Here’s how to stop.

Don’t just say it. Show it.

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Is it a confidence problem or a fear problem?

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