Archives for September 2017

On a recent afternoon, I was watching my 2-year-old, Dorothy, play with a neighbor outside.

The boy climbed up onto a little wall we have on our patio and raced back and forth. Dorothy observed him with admiration and tried to do the same.

“You can’t do it, Dorothy!” I heard him say to her as she gripped the edge.

She struggled, and he doubled down.

“I told you you couldn’t do it!”

After explaining to her friend that we don’t speak to each other like that in our house, I ensured Dorothy that she could, in fact, do it.

She tried again and reached the top.

We all have that little boy in our lives, don’t we? Someone who, for whatever reason, fills us with doubt and uncertainty, leaving us depleted and weary. These are bucket-spillers.

Bucket-fillers, however, do the opposite. With genuine words of encouragement, they fill us with confidence and energy. We are suddenly able to accomplish goals we never thought possible. We become strong, capable and self-assured. For this reason, I keep a steadfast group of bucket-fillers in my life.

They didn’t come easy, however. I’ve spent many years intentionally trying to surround myself with voices of positivity. Here’s how I did it.

I set boundaries with bucket-spillers.

If we’re being honest with ourselves, we know it’s not always possible to phase out all of the people who expend our energy. We have to identify what would make us feel successful in our interactions with those who drain us and set boundaries to achieve that.

Whenever I feel depleted and unbalanced, I very purposefully surround myself with the right people and set appropriate boundaries with bucket spillers until I’m back to full.

I seek out bucket-fillers (even when it’s not convenient).  

You may have to sacrifice convenience to be around those who fill you up, but you likely won’t regret that.

I recently took up Orangetheory, a fitness program that leaves me feeling exhausted and accomplished after each workout. One of the coaches at the studio is particularly motivating—I’ve successfully rowed more meters than I ever thought possible with his help—so I make a point to sign up for his classes, even when they aren’t convenient, knowing I’ll leave with energy and momentum to carry me through the day.

You know who your bucket-fillers are. Make sure they’re a consistent part of your life, whether it means scheduling a lunch once a month or simply making a point to drop by the right person’s desk more often.

I try to be a bucket-filler, too!

If you aren’t a bucket-filler, you’re likely a spiller. Be supportive and encouraging in your relationships to perpetuate positivity. Identify when others might need encouragement and optimism and be intentional about offering that.

As Dorothy gripped the wall that afternoon, I knew all she needed was a few cheerful words from a bucket-filler. Once she got them, she reached her goal.

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If you’re struggling to surround yourself with people who fill your bucket, I’m an executive coach who works with clients nationwide. You can reach me at regan@reganwalsh.com.

 

 

I had just flown home from a getaway weekend with friends. It marked the first time my husband, Nick, was alone with our girls for three full days. I asked about his weekend as a single dad.

“Moments of transition,” he said, “are the hardest.”

Our daughters are 1 and 2. So truth be told, a lot is tough. But transitioning from, say, nap time to packing up and getting out of the house, he noted, can be frustratingly tricky.

As soon as the words left his mouth, I grabbed a pen and paper and wrote it down.

Moments of transition are the hardest.

Indeed.

For my friend Kelly, transitioning from pre-cancer to “You have cancer” was and will continue to be hard.

For my client, transitioning from job security to “Your role has been eliminated” is a source of undeniable stress.

For the new moms in my network, transitioning from life before children to life with children change can feel incredibly isolating.

Reflecting on the many transitions I’ve experienced in my life, I realize there are three steps I follow to cope with both good and bad transitions. I’m hopeful one or more of these ideas will help you navigate your own transitions.

1: Don’t be afraid to celebrate and mourn. I celebrate and mourn every one of my life transitions. (This is something my husband learned the hard way. He couldn’t understand why I sobbed when we moved out of our condo into our house. Didn’t I want this dream house? Yes, I did. But I sure did love that condo and all the memories I made there.) Celebrate what was so special about your experience before the transition occurred, and mourn the fact that life is different now. For me, when I bury my feelings, I stall. Allow yourself to deeply feel all of the emotions you’re wrestling with. It is incredibly helpful when it comes to taking that first step in a new direction.

2: Ask for help.These three simple words hold an incredible amount of power: I need help. Admitting you can’t do it all can lift the sense of paralysis we often feel when faced with a situation we haven’t encountered before. Some people may have been down a similar road and could provide answers, while others may simply agree to drive down the road sitting beside you, lifting the load. (As I write this, a memory floods my brain of a time I had paralysis: I was in the middle of a huge life transition, and every extra task seemed insurmountable. A giant backyard full of leaves was too much for me to manage. I mentioned this to a colleague, and would you believe he showed up unannounced with a leaf blower and dozens of bags—and  cleaned up my yard in a matter of minutes? I think of that moment often, for many reasons, and wonder if I could have experienced a better transition if I would have spoken up and admitted I needed help instead of waiting for my breakdown to occur.)

3: Get your business in order. It’s important to feel a sense of security during in-between periods. The saying “knowledge is power” exists for a reason. When you are informed, you are able to weigh the options in front of you and make intelligent choices about what’s next. When I transitioned from working for an organization to starting my own business, I knew I had a solid business plan, savings in my bank account, and a supportive partner. That knowledge gave me the discipline to keep moving forward even when things didn’t go as planned. Ask yourself what information or knowledge you need to gather in order to make the transition you’re experiencing more comfortable.

Nick is right. Moments of transition are the hardest—and not just for toddlers. But we can manage them—and know that whatever awaits us out that door after nap is an opportunity for adventure.

 

Are you struggling to navigate one of life’s biggest transitions?  I am an executive and life coach who helps clients nationwide with personal and professional transitions. You can reach me at regan@reganwalsh.com

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